Sticks & Stones

We’ve all probably uttered the jingle like phrase, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!”  We also know this phrase to be the biggest lie a parent can tell a child, next to Santa’s coming.  And to make my point, thanks to my dyslexia, I actually typed Satan first. 

Unfortunately we’re not always the one dodging the stones but a Pharisee ready and willing to stone anyone who transgresses the law or to be honest… for any reason.  We can read in the Bible about the Pharisees, having caught a woman in adultery, brought her to Jesus to be stoned.     

John 8:3-11

³ The scribes and the Pharisees brought* a woman caught in adultery, and having set her in the center of the court,

⁴ they said* to Him, "Teacher, this woman has been caught in adultery, in the very act. 

⁵ "Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women; what then do You say?" 

⁶ They were saying this, testing Him, so that they might have grounds for accusing Him. But Jesus stooped down and with His finger wrote on the ground. 

⁷ But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 

⁸ Again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. 

⁹ When they heard it, they began to go out one by one, beginning with the older ones, and He was left alone, and the woman, where she was, in the center of the court.

¹⁰ Straightening up, Jesus said to her, "Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?" 

¹¹ She said, "No one, Lord." And Jesus said, "I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on sin no more."]

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Sticks and stones are the hurtful words that we throw when someone has fallen away from the Lord.  It is one of the easiest things another person can do but unlike an actual stick, you can’t fetch it and bring the hurtful words back.   

Unfortunately I’ve noticed this type of stoning as a huge problem with older and younger wives alike, who are quick to throw stones at their husband.  As in the passage above, where the man, who also sinned with the woman isn’t being held there for stoning, as if he was without sin, can be mirrored in our own lives when we tell our husbands… “I would NEVER look at porn and hurt you like that!”  All the while refusing to love and be intimate with him.  Jesus never said the woman wasn’t guilty but merely wanted those ready to stone her, to look closer at their “own” sins.

"He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." 

And just a “stones throw away” from the reason above, we may also throw sticks and stones at our husband, when we say things like… “I pay the bills too, what makes you so special!”  “Why don’t you make more money?”  “I couldn’t stand you if you were home all the time!”  Not showing your husband how much you love and appreciate him for providing for you, even if you do both work to provide, is certainly throwing some big sticks and stones his way.  That really hurts but so does saying things that will make him feel stupid or constantly bringing up his past sins, which you say you forgave him for, but really, it’s just so he doesn’t ever forget it.  

We also throw stones at the younger women, especially a young woman who may have made a poor choice and become pregnant.  We seem to have a pile of sticks and stones waiting just for this occasion.  We say things like, “Oh honey, your life is ruined because you’ll never find a husband willing to care for you and a child.”   “What do your parents think of you now?”  “I would die of embarrassment if you were my daughter!”  “At least guys won’t be finding you attractive while you’re big and pregnant.”  These sticks and stones can be so detrimental to a young woman with very little self esteem already.  We don’t see Jesus saying anything harsh to the woman caught in adultery.  Why must we?

  

It doesn’t stop there.  There is one person that we throw our sticks and stones at the most…ourselves.  We tell ourselves horrible things because we think we know what others think of us.  We may think things like, “No wonder my husband may look at other women… I’m so fat and ugly!”  Anytime we have these negative thoughts about our body image, our ability to overcome a lack of desire or we have a lack of forgiveness for our own sin…we think… “I deserve to be stoned.”  Just remember…the more you tell yourself something, the more you’ll believe it… be it negative or positive.  To feel sexy doesn’t mean looking like a Barbie doll.  It means having confidence in yourself and believing your husband when he says, “You’re beautiful!”  Above all, forgiving yourself as God has forgiven you. 

Sticks and Stones hurt deeply.  We must be careful not to be judgmental of others or ourselves.  Jesus, in no way, was shy over the fact that this problem was about sex.  Instead we should be willing to forgive and help others no matter what the problem is. 

Luke 6:37

³⁷ "Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; 

pardon, and you will be pardoned.