Doggy Paddle Back

Have you ever been swimming/playing in the shallow area of a pool, river or ocean, when you suddenly drop off into much deeper water, causing you to panic from not being able to touch the bottom?  Until I learned how to swim well, I was told to “doggy paddle” my way back.  That is, to use your hands and feet alternately while laying on your chest in the same way a dog would swim, as if it were running but in water.  Doggy paddling has actually been used since ancient times, presumably from watching animals swim.  This swim technique is slow but effective to get back to solid ground. 

This can be like our desire.  It can drift so far away from shore that our marriage feels as if it has fallen off the deep end too.  With work, kids and chores who has the time or energy.  Certainly you can’t expect normal people to be together more than once a week… not to mention this crazy notion of every day.   You may be thinking… “There’s NO WAY I could have sex with my husband every day!”  (And just to be clear…no one else’s either!)  

But that’s OK.  I thought that way too, many years ago.  I had no desire, except in the beginning when I wanted to have babies.  So where does it all go…the desire?  Well there are many reasons why a wife may feel this way. 

You hate it.

You know... if we could only convince ourselves that we hate cake, cookies and ice-cream as much as we say we hate sex….we could all lose weight much faster.  I’ve made homemade icing for cakes many times and every time I do, it still gets to me, that the two main ingredients are powdered sugar and shortening!  I’ve never gone to the kitchen and dipped my finger in the Crisco bucket for a yummy treat…well besides when I was a kid.  O_o    If you think something enough your body will respond one way or the other but with enough sugar, you can learn to love anything.

Proverbs 31:12

¹² She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.

It hurts. 

As I said before in a previous article between endometriosis, post pregnancy and other health issues I certainly understand how hard it is to overcome such painful obstacles.  It’s embarrassing to tell our own husband about the pain “down there”, much less a doctor. 

Pain is a tricky little devil though.  It can become worse just by us thinking and worrying about how bad it’s going to hurt.  Most often we give into those fears and refuse to have sex. Unfortunately, we haven’t really helped ourselves because NOT doing something about the pain and foregoing the sex, can and will, hurt your husband emotionally and you as well. 

2 Corinthians 12:7

⁷ And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

It feels wrong.

Parents and church members are so afraid to say how wonderful sex is to young adults that they go to the opposite extreme convincing them how horribly wrong it is but actually doing more damage because they leave it at that.  Like I’ve said in previous articles…it’s a moral mental block put there by our own assumptions in regards to how we’ve been taught. 

We must keep in mind; it’s not some stranger, it’s not your doctor….it is your husband whom you should allow to enjoy your body and you, his body.  Sex is God given.  It’s not wrong to like it and enjoy it.   

1 Corinthians 7:4

⁴ The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

I’m not in love.

If you feel you are no longer in love with your husband then consider how often you are intimate with him.  Not how many times you finally give him sex each week by lying there like a dead fish, praying he doesn’t take too long but honestly how many times are you truly intimate and wanting to be with him.  If you’ve lost your desire because you are no longer attracted to him, then I would advise you to revaluate your attitude, not his physical appearance. 

By avoiding sex, you avoid your emotional connection to being in love.   You may find that the more often you have sex, the more attractive your spouse will become and your love becoming stronger each day.  Think of it this way…when someone is lost in the desert, they may see water that isn’t there.  As the old saying goes…beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  It’s all in what you WANT to see.

Titus 2:4

⁴ so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,

Satan uses these reasons to cause problems in a marriage.  He would like nothing more than to break up a God fearing couple. 

But don’t panic because no matter what your reason may be, you are never too far out that you can’t get your desire back ….

just Doggy Paddle Back.