For Worse and For Better

“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.”     -Doug Larson

This could not be a truer statement.  When we’re dating our spouse, it’s nothing but sunshine and daises.  As the old saying goes…“Love is in the air.”  The worst thing a woman worries about when dating the love of her life is… “Will he EVER ask me to marry him or why hasn’t he called me yet?”  “He left my house like 10 minutes ago.”   

Song of Songs 3:2
² 'I must arise now and go about the city; In the streets and in the squares I must seek him whom my soul loves.' I sought him but did not find him. 

Dating is a time when young lovers are depressed if they can’t be together.  Even after the long awaited proposal, we can’t stand to be without our fiancé.  We search high and low for every opportunity to be by their side.  Everything about them is new and exciting.  If we can’t be together, then we’ll spend hours on the phone talking and getting to know each other. 

In the beginning, after you’ve married, the “for worse” may simply be; you arguing with your husband about needing to run back home because you left your sunglasses at the house.  Your husband then looks at you with a confused look on his face.  Frustrated and feeling the top of your head, you exclaim once again…“What… I’m not wearing them!”  He then asks with a smirk, “Were you meaning a different pair than the ones ON your face?”  

Wow!  Mark that one down for the hubby.  Humiliated…but laughing, you absolutely can’t believe that now you’ve crossed the line from losing them on your head, to not realizing they’re on your face.   

A Sunday comic even pokes fun of the, For Better or For Worse, in a marriage.  In the comic, the “for worse” is always more humorous. Partly because it’s true for many but unfortunately, not so funny because too many wives were searching for a fairy tale marriage only to find out, that it wasn’t what they thought it would be. 

Responsibility of bills, sex and kids become stressful and overwhelming.  It’s not long before we begin to fight and take the stress out on each other.  No one is laughing anymore.  We’re even more kind to a stranger at the grocery store, than the person we vowed to love for the rest of our life.  

Fights with your husband aren’t as funny as they are on television or the comics.  The spiteful comments that would otherwise have you rolling on the floor laughing are demeaning and hurtful instead. 

In a fairy tale marriage, there are no fights.  Everything is perfect.  The husband is perfect, the kids are perfect and the house is perfect.  I actually had a wife say to me….

“I thought my heart would still melt when he walked into the room… like what you see in a fairy tale movie!” 

It’s no doubt then, how the devil can sneak in making us feel that the “for better” has been had and the “for worst” is now to be lived until death parts us.  I won’t mention the little side prayer that we may be thinking of… “I hope he dies first”.  I mean, you may think that’s only fair with what you’ve had to put up with.  To be honest, your husband was probably thinking the same thing. 

1 Peter 5:8

⁸ Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, 

seeking someone to devour.

However the “for better” will NEVER come, if both partners aren’t willing to work at it.  It takes great effort, patience and forgiveness to get beyond the “for worse.”  And while it may take two to make it work, you must begin with changing your own attitude…not changing your husband.

1 Corinthians 13:4

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

Work towards understanding your husbands’ needs and lovingly communicating your own needs to him.  It’s not always immediate, but trust in the Lord, the “for better” is yet to come,

because…

  Love never fails…

 1 Corinthians 13:8a