The Heart of a Harlot

From the moment we are little, we are taught by our Christian mom’s how to act like a lady, sit like a lady and talk like a lady.  Of course you could replace the word lady with Christian but it meant the same thing regardless of how your mom said it.

One way, as a lady, we were NOT raised to be like....is a harlot.  Unless it's like Rahab.  Rahab was a harlot but more importantly she was a believer in God and His power.   She had heard of all the stories reported of God’s power and might, like when the Israelites crossed the Red Sea.  So when Joshua sent two of his men to Jericho to spy out the land and they sought shelter with her, she knew what she had to do.  She hid the two spies from harm on her roof because she knew they were men of God.  We can also note that she had great faith in God that even as the city would be utterly destroyed she and her household would be saved as long as she did what was commanded of her.  Rahab’s heart was faithful to God by her obedience. 

Hebrews 11:31

³¹ By faith Rahab the harlot did not perish along with those who were disobedient, after she had welcomed the spies in peace.

You would think, being a harlot, Rahab’s heart wouldn’t be in the right condition for obedience to God.  But unfortunately we can find our hearts being hindered more so than a harlot’s.  In the midst of cleaning, cooking and caring for our kids we sometimes forget that marriage is an awesome gift from God.  

A gift that man and wife can seek comfort in each other, satisfying each others mental, physical and sexual needs.  This blessed gift was so important to get right that it was given with commandments, so our prayers would not be hindered. 

1 Peter 3:7

⁷ You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

As young wives we are often hindered through the teaching of this particular part of God's gift (sexual needs).  Why... because it was taught accurately as being wrong before marriage, however taught so much though, that we have a mental moral block when it comes to intimacy with our husband.  An unconscious block put there because it was never taught again how sex is good and pure after marriage.  

Basically we have the idea intimacy should be put in a closet and never played with, like that ceramic tea set you received as a gift when you were little.  We are taught that a “lady” who enjoys being intimate with her husband must be a harlot or maybe another dude. =0) But we should keep in mind, according to the scriptures the marriage bed is defiled through fornication (sex outside of marriage) and adultery.    

Hebrews 13:4 

⁴ Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

So we can conclude from this passage that a wife is then NOT judged by the wearing of sexy clothing for her husband nor dare I say it, no clothing at all in the bedroom.  Nor is she judged by her actions with her husband even if they do seem to you more fitting… for the “heart of a harlot”.   Just as Peter was instructed, that which is considered clean by God's word... let not man or woman call it unclean.   

  

When Love Hurts

Why does love hurt so badly?  No, no…I’m not referring to that fight you just had with your husband because he hurt your feelings…that’s a totally different article.  I’m speaking of a physical pain that over 7 million women suffer with every time they are intimate with their husbands.  And that’s only the number of women with endometriosis, that is, an illness that causes horrible cramping, severe bleeding, and painful intercourse.

Other illnesses include; pelvic inflammatory disease, uterine prolapse, retroverted uterus, uterine fibroids, cystitis, irritable bowel syndrome, hemorrhoids or ovarian cysts, which may cause great soreness for women during sex.  Having a hysterectomy, cancer treatments, stress, joint inflammations and many other substantial reasons may also cause tenderness. 

Although for you, an illness or surgical procedure, may not be your reason why love hurts.  Your intimate discomfort may be from a lack of self esteem towards your body image or depression.  Believe it or not, but psychological ailments, can cause significant pain too. 

But regardless of why, women who experience pain in doing an activity, most often, will just avoid that particular activity.  This reasoning makes perfect sense unless that activity is having sex with your husband.  Why… because the painful illness is still there AND you’ve increased your marital problems.  Such as becoming depressed, a potentially severe problem that is increased not only for you but for your husband as well. 

Through these acts of intimacy we connect and feel each others love.  If you’re always saying no, for any reason, your desire for your husband is decreased with each denial.  Not to mention, Satan’s temptations are extremely increased for you and your husband every time either of you seeks to fill the void.

Genesis 3:16
¹⁶ To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply Your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children; Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."

So how can we overcome the pain and enjoy sex?  By using what comes natural, endorphins.  Endorphins are natural chemicals released from the pituitary gland in the brain that acts as a natural pain reliever.  This release can be obtained through several ways; chocolate (as if we needed another excuse), peppers, massage therapy, acupuncture, meditation and of course…sex. 

Although reaching that last particular endorphin releasing level can prove to be very difficult when your body is riveting in severe pain.  Being one of the 7 million women with more than one health issue, I know how difficult overcoming the pain can be.  Satan would have you believe there is no hope of it getting better. 

Look for ways to enhance yourself to such levels of “endorphin releasing” before you and your husband are intimate.  Of course this may not take all the pain away but will certainly, or at the very least, make sex more tolerable.  With time, it may even become quite pleasurable for you.  

Whatever you do, try to take the pain away…. not the sex!

1 Corinthians 7:5 
⁵ Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

The Leaky Faucet

The leaky faucet,  aka…Chinese torture device, the eventual watering hole for the dog or the annoying drip, drip, drip from your bathroom.  Unless it’s being used as a torture device this leak can go on for days, weeks, months and yes even years believe it or not.  I personally let one go for a long time under a sink for the simple fact I did not think it was hurting anything.  There was hardly any water there, just the occasional drip. 

However over time the leak did become worse, dripping more and more. Finally I saw that the drip was worse but still not too concerned, I put a bucket under it.  That would take care of the problem.  Boy was I wrong.  Eventually I was pouring out that bucket every day.  The boards underneath ended up warped and molded from it splashing and running over. 

The leaky faucet could have been fixed as soon as I saw it but I didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to take the time and effort when I first saw the problem.  Mainly because I didn’t think it would be that big of a deal until it was too late. 

We can look at problems within our marriage the same way.  A lack of desire can go unfixed for years causing severe emotional problems not only for our husbands but for ourselves.  It can cause depression and further lack of libido.  Which for most married men, is pretty much that Chinese torture device for a slow and painful death.  Ultimately ruining what could have been a very happy marriage because it became a chore that we were unwilling to fix, regardless of what God says. 

1 Corinthians 7:3

³ The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

So from one problem into another like that leaky faucet and rotting boards is the casual viewing of pornographic pictures, videos, or reading of erotic novels that can spiral into addictions for our husbands (or vice versa) if not “fixed” when they are first recognized as temptations.  

Those drips that were no big deal, ARE the sins that can and will cause further, possibly, irreversible damage to the whole family if not fixed before it’s too late.       

Psalm 32:3

³ When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away Through my groaning all day long.

Why are these problems overlooked by both husband and wife?  Well... because TV has glorified this particular problem to the point that couples even joke to other couples about it.  It has become a normal thing for married couples to not have sex.  If you will...like those warped wet boards, our views on sex and marriage become warped too. 

So how and when does sex stop in a marriage?  For most couples once the honeymoon is over, the kids are born and the wife has lost interest (because she no longer wants to have babies) and the husband is frankly just tired of asking.  That’s when it stops!   

And so begins the leaky faucet….

Hello My Name Is…Satan

Proverbs 31:12

¹² She does him good and not evil All the days of her life.

It seems like this verse and other commandments saying wives should love their husbands shouldn’t even be in the Bible.  If you’re getting married you’re already in love…right?  So why all the commandments to do so?  I mean...no wife wants to do EVIL to her husband.  And yet I’ve had a wife tell me…

“I can’t stand to even hear my husband breathing.” 

Wow!  Really?  Yes! (just to answer your question)  Ok so maybe you aren’t thinking of ways to “off” your husband but can you honestly say you’ve done him NO evil?  I’ve certainly had my moments of doing evil towards my husband.  No one is perfect.  The point of my articles is to help us become better wives for our husbands, which will ultimately, make us a better Christian for God.  

But how could we have done our husband evil...

*When we don’t show our husbands respect as head of the house or when we don’t allow them to even be head of the house, we’re doing them evil.  You may have heard men say, “My wife wears the pants in our house!”  This isn’t funny, it’s down right sinful. 

 1 Peter 3:6

⁶ just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. 

*When we don’t show them appreciation, we’re showing them evil by letting Satan fill our hearts with thoughts of, “it’s his job as my husband to do this and that.”  

*When we deny our husband his sexual needs we do him evil.  If your husband has asked you to be intimate every night of the week and you’ve said “NO” 6 out of 7…you’re NOT meeting his needs.  You’re doing just enough to get by. 

Judges 16:16

¹⁶ It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death.

*When we nag our husband constantly to get what we want, such as Delilah did Samson, we're doing him evil.  Think about this, no one associates the name Delilah with being an excellent wife who loved her husband.  

How will others or your children view your love for your husband?  Will your husband praise you?  Or will he think of all the evil you have done to him?

Proverbs 31:28 

²⁸ Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

Remember you’re setting an example, 

it’s up to you which example others see!

LOL

Genesis 18:12

¹² Sarah laughed to herself, saying, "After I have become old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?"

Ok well Sarah didn’t “Laugh Out Loud” but the Lord heard it loud and clear.  Just like He hears us each time we laugh, roll our eyes, or give a huff at His commandment…

1 Corinthians 7:3

³ The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

Understanding the wife’s role is important and not one to scoff at.  God created woman as a helpmeet to man.  Not because Adam was clueless and too stupid to feed himself.  Nor did He create woman to be man's sex slave but a wife willing to help meet his needs.  Neither was she put here on this earth to tell man how great or little his needs should be. 

Genesis 2:18

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." 

It’s no secret that TV shows and movies alike want to make sex and marriage a laughing matter.   Scenes where men have to beg their wives for sex and vice versa are the norm for comedy.  Divorce is conveyed as hilarious with fighting and degrading remarks towards their Ex.  Teens are glorified for their disobedience to parents and their sexual behavior so long as the producers, at least, send the message of having safe sex. 

On tv a clueless husband/dad is hilarious.  A nagging wife is the prudent one.  Gone are the days of tv when both parents love each other and both are smart responsible adults. 

In real life, it’s no LOL matter when men hold up in their “man caves” filling the void because their wives refuse to be intimate with them except on special occasions or vice versa.  On the other hand, it’s certainly not easy to be intimate with your husband when you have been yelled at all day due to his frustrations and stress or again…vice versa. 

If you are fighting and frustrated, most likely, both of you feel taken for granted by the other one.  Remember, respect and appreciation go a long way in a marriage. It’s called manners…something that is somehow forgotten once the stress of bills, family and every day needs are piling up.  We should never look to movies or sitcoms to understand our husband’s needs.  Certainly not Hollywood’s view of how to deal with problems such as money and sex.  

Communication between a husband and wife using 

God’s word is all that’s necessary.   

    

A New Diet Plan

In a previous article, I mentioned how my doctor yelled at me to lose weight.  If only he knew how bad I despised diets, because for me, the moment I think about going on a diet I’m suddenly starving to death.  Trust me it’s not pretty.  I get very cranky and snap at everyone because I’m hungry.  It’s really not fair that counting calories can’t be like counting sheep.  1-2-3….z Z z Z z…mmm chocolate cake, cookies, candy, chips and then a quick dip in Willy Wonka’s Chocolate River and not a single pound added.  That’s a great dream. 

A diet is difficult to stay faithful to, especially when everyone around you suddenly seems to push food and desserts in your direction more so than usual.  Honestly it doesn’t feel like you can get away from it.  Even the chocolate bars at the grocery store are staring you down at the checkout counter.  You begin to rationalize.  I’ll go for a walk, my sugar feels low, no one will know, and even though you have a few healthy snacks there in your cart, it doesn’t seem to stop you from snatching one up after a few days or weeks of being on a diet.

Unfortunately as wives we like to put our husband’s on a diet too.  I’m not meaning the diet plan of, you need to lose weight or you’re going to die, diet.  I know I shouldn’t tell on anyone but I’ve also had men admit to stopping for a burger after work before going home to that special diet.  Anyway…back to my point.  I’m referring to the sexual diet. 

This diet consist of… we’ll be intimate once a week and that’s all you get.  We rationalize this diet plan by thinking; “Single men would kill to have a wife they could be intimate with once a week.  Hello…that’s 4 times a month.”  Oh wait you have to exclude one week for PMS.  Ok so 3. 

It has actually been said to me by a wife... “I love that week so my husband HAS to leave me alone.”   

1 Corinthians 7:3 

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband.

For some reason we think we have the right to say just how much or often that “duty” entails for our husband.  Once a week, twice a week or maybe not at all that week.  To me that’s no different than if your husband had the right to tell you exactly how much you get to eat in a week.  

But unfortunately, we often think in terms of intimate moments as a dog treat for good behavior.  Or if they’ve constantly bugged us enough we’ll pick up the ball and throw it just to get them to leave us alone for a moment. 

If you find yourself thinking this way or maybe just not quite so willing to provide exactly what your husband truly needs then you need a new diet plan minus the diet. 

As I’ve said before….

“You’ll never want something more often…if you never have it enough… to miss it!”

So please, give your hubby his “Just Desserts” and yours too! 

Modest Mayhem

When I write about staying sexy for our husbands, I certainly don’t mean a massive make over or character change.  Basically... just understand that it’s ok to be sexy for your husband and why it’s important for the both of you.   I've known women who feel they are more modest wearing jeans all the time because they may accidentally fall or somehow become immodest.  


I know how these women feel.  Its funny how many times I have tried to be perfectly modest and it backfires.  I've even had an entire colony of fire ants crawl up my jeans rendering me no choice but to strip on the side of a very busy highway.  Talk about your scenic view that day.      


I've even had one of those days where I start off wearing a beautiful dress strutt’n myself across a crowded room full of people.  Feeling oh so (modestly) sexy as I possible can, oh and don’t forget the theme music playing in my head “I’m sexy and I…” (screech) because that’s as far as I got.  Why... because it was interrupted by someone pointing out… that the back of my dress was tucked into my pantyhose the whole time.  O_o

I must say, I’m also thankful for the movie stars who have made tripping and falling sexy and an endearing quality.  I can assure you, when I'm wearing heels and walking across a room. I will find the slick spot and whether or not I bust it with my heels in the air, I will definitely feel it the next day after tensing up every muscle in my body to stop the fall.  

But don't let any mishaps of your own discourage you from trying to be a modest sexy wife for your husband.  Just laugh and go with it.  A sudden fall is not considered being immodestly dressed.

Understand...sexy does NOT 

mean immodest apparel! 

(neither does falling :0)